There's no reason to work for the man in this wonderful country of ours. Just met with my husbands , now my business partner to go over the details of the new company . He and my spouse ave been working on patents for sometime and he's has quite a few and other ventures and seeing how he has some free time now we decided upon our venture of passive income bringing in about 15 g a day to start. I'm gonna be busy doing the marketing portion since I have all the contacts until it gets going and off the ground and then well, fishing, writing a few songs.
Hot water melts wax! I'll run
Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in -
the
wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right? Wrong. I
get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit.
Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In
scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax. So
now I'm stuck to the tub.
I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so
surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's
never good to start a conversation with "So my nether regions are stuck
to the tub." She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress
laughter.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the ass - "Are we talking
cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the
giggles now.
I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the
number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where
the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at
XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd
just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know.
You're going to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them
the truth.
"While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the
wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies
than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and
THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!
In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to
other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the
lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start
screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations
from C and we hang up.
I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my disma
After checking on the boy and
After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming
one with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom
for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and
place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply the
wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the right
half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right ass
cheek. (Yeah,it was a long strip.) I inhale deeply. I brace myself.
RRRIIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind! Blind from the pain! Vision returning. Oh crap. I've managed to
pull off half an inch of the strip. Another deep breath. And RIIIP!
Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I hear crashing drums? OK,
coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered
pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory that
is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold
medallist.
But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone? Where
could the wax go, if not on the strip? Slowly, I eased my head down, my
foot still perched on the toilet. I see hair - the hair that should be
on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the
ceiling and silently shout "nooooooo!!" And realize I have just begun
living my own personal version of "The Tar Baby."
I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big
mistake - up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the
toilet. I know I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down
on the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the cell door.
Vagina? Sealed shut.
Ass? Sealed shut.
A little voice in my head says "I hope you don't have to potty anytime
soon. Your head just might pop off." I penguin walk around the bathroom
trying desperately to figure out what I should do next. Hot water!
Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in -
the
wax sho
My favorite story ever..
My favorite story ever..
Can you imagine if this happened to you??!!
The first thing you should know is that hair removal is not my friend.
The particular talent of removing unwanted hair has eluded me.
True story.
All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy,painless removal - the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and now
. ........
'The Wax'.
My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from
work, fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple
hours: maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.
I set up my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I
mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a
clump of hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them
apart, press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically
rising crescendo of string instruments in the background. No muss, no
fuss. How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but
I'm mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this
works..........................You'd think.
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each
other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and
soften the wax (I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the
hair dryer and heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my ass.
(Oh, how that phrase will come back to haunt me.) I lay the strip across
my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best
feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this! Hair removal
no longer eludes me!
I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin
extraordinaire!
With my next wax strip, I move north.
After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming
one with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom
for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties
well the lateist fad around
well the lateist fad around my parts exspecialy if your illeagel is to go blond...a few people have suggested I color my hair to do away with the gray so Im thinking if I do, I'll go blond too.
OMG-LOL well hopefully the
OMG-LOL well hopefully the biker dude made the kitty purrrrr-LOL
On that purr or note I should say-LOL I got to get to bed work and horse chores come early for me in the AM-have a good night and thank you for making me laugh, I love to laugh and your stuff just cracks me up :D !!!
HAHAHA!!!!!!! :-) did you
HAHAHA!!!!!!! :-) did you include Cupid's arrow?? ~Lol :-)
That reminds me of a wild ass party with my Detroit Biker Friends several years ago--long story short---one of the girls decided she wanted the Harley Davidson logo shaved into her bush--lmao!!!! So with 25 people watching--one of the guys starts this artistic endeavor--screws it up--and she wound up with a bare kitty. Yes---a bunch of alcohol was involved--lol :-)
OMG well I can say I have
OMG well I can say I have never done that but I did once shave my small patch into a heart and dyed it for Valentines day to offer some candy to my boyfriend at the time-LOL
What the hell saran wrap-hell I would of been so frightened I would of glued myself shut and had to start over-OMG the stuff I learn on here-lol I've been waxed but never saraned wrapped-too funny!!
Leave it to you, MBH-LOL
LMAO!!!!!! OSB :-) I WISH I
LMAO!!!!!! OSB :-) I WISH I would've thought about marketing that concept back then----money would be growing out of---hehem--bushes---lol :-)
The problem with Jazzing back then tho---was that you had to heat it up to get it to set---Saran Wrap and a blow-dryer worked wonders!!!!!! ~Lol :-)
OMG- now I understand the
OMG- now I understand the Betty Boop dress code and all but the Betty for your bush-WTF OMG next thing it will be bright orange and they'll be calling it the carrot top-lol (just a funny to a past thread for KRCVAL)-OMG -lol MBH you bought the rogain and gave it to everyone didn't you so you could get rich on the stock-damn you-lol
Apparently---the latest rage
Apparently---the latest rage in Hollywood is to grow out your bush and "Betty" it--lmao :-)
Meaning dye it some wild ass color---
Too late--I already used Jazzing in the 80's and had a florescent pink landing strip--been there--done that!!!! LMMFAO!!!!!!!
BORED NOT BOARD hahahahaha
BORED NOT BOARD hahahahaha
Well I want kid Rock to be my
Well I want kid Rock to be my Pool Boy but since I dont have a pool, I guess thats out...
Angelique came up with a kit we could sell to keep our men from getting board when they were DOWN THERE>>>> including headphones and beads for braiding hair etc. It was hilarious.. I thought Jade and I were gonna have a heart attack laughing,,...
Ahh Shirlee, we're just
Aww Shirlee, we're just playin-good luck on your back door plan-lol do tell when you're not feeling so lazy :)
Well I thought everyone knew
Well I thought everyone knew I want KR to be my boyfriend; back door plan = keep it on th low down.and for the formaly educated, DISCREET.
I have three storys off the top, about what yalls thinking but Im 2lazy 2 type it all.
Love it KRCVAL-lol
Love it KRCVAL-lol
OK here is my contribution
OK here is my contribution for now (I'm sure now that I have been inspired, there will be more ;) )
I just saw a bumper sticker in Bay City tonight that said:
"IF YOU'RE GONNA RIDE MY ASS, AT LEAST PULL MY HAIR"
Ha ha haaaa
Remember Ms. B's Porno thread
Remember Ms. B's Porno thread, and Jade talking about self gratification via the grocery store? He he heeeeee
Too funny-backdoor-lol, we'll
Too funny-backdoor-lol, we'll have to wait for Shirlee to elaborate on that there diddy doo-lol. What hair down there apps. are you referring to? OMG- MBH's Retro Bush is really making a come back-OMG!!! NO WAY IN HELL FOR ME!!!!!!! lol
she said backdoor...lol What
she said backdoor...lol What kinda backdoor plan do ya have in mind there BB :)~
OTB~ Idk..I really dont wanna get this thread erased or something..lol I totally agree with ya.. this place needs some laughter. I'd like to know about the hair down there accessories.. and do they accept coupons? Well.. winter is coming... perhaps this is something to get for the next cruise.
My little flower from the
My little flower from the sunshine state
will always hold a speical place
wasent that a nice ryme rarite wrote today
I done away with Kip 4 he's now called Bob
indeed a kid rock fan till the end
2bad Im not his backdoor plan.
heheheeee , yes that lil
heheheeee , yes that lil thang went global
i miss having the balls to post and time balls
really loved the waking up coming strait to the site and just
letting go of steam and the crazy part was
i typed what i felt my dumass hardly ever re read the answers
i put my real name on fb an its really not my thing i like music not the drama
so i dont feel you to have drama in mind when you thouyht to postthis
because i have been wanting to post shit and go off like in the olden days, but , fo9r some reason, il just write it and erase it
and why i dont know , i miss the shit out ay esp you shirlee, omy gosh i miss talking to you but no matter i love yall all mankind that isnt a dick ok im ramblin manin... really cant wait for the new album and kr please swing near pcola n orange beach or somewhere soon im getting withdrawls lol been since cruise th mooonligfht baby lil wayne song popped on damn now its cum with me by waylon
shit i wanha slow dance whewwwwwww yall bve safe we taking the kids to six flags this weekend.
say hello sun , as we sail bye...
much love and p0eace to the band all all the fans !!
im proud to be a kid rock fan for life!!
I agree with ya, OTB. I haven
I agree with ya, OTB. I haven't commented as much lately, the site has gotten hard to follow, a little weird...;p I like an inappropriate, offensive dirty joke/thread every now & then myself lol. I think we all could use more laughter =)
Hey guys-okay I'm gonna be
Hey guys-okay I'm gonna be out doing horse chores for a bit but I up-loaded a video it's on the community page under Kid Rocks and it's called "Call Me Maybe" my kid found it cause he's trying to let me get him a web camera for his computer cause he has a website and I'm like I don't know so he found this funny u-tube video about "Chatroulette" made me laugh so hard at the peoples faces-I had tears in my eyes-it's not to be taken seriously-it's a funny-go watch it and maybe it will make you laugh-it's not on here to offend-I'll be back it is just too funny and the guy that's doing the comedy is so funny on his stuff-but then I can have a warped sense of humor from time to time-so go check it out-free will not meant to offend! Hope this will make some of you laugh-watch the peoples faces and know what chatroulette is first-okay hahahaah's waiting.....
I agree--LOVE the funny posts
I agree--LOVE the funny posts!!!!!!! I have been laughing so hard in here that I've been crying----several times!!!! You guys are AWESOME!!!!!!! :-)
Has anyone seen the "Liberty Mutual" commercials? They're hilarious!!!!!! Wonder if they're getting ideas from actual claims filed? ~lol
OMG-YAY-good morning everyone
OMG-YAY-good morning everyone-so nice to hear from all of you! :) Beckxy-do tell your joke-please-I love jokes and dirty ones too-lol and you and I have been posting with each other in this site off and on for a long while so I don't think I'll get offended-lol.
Cedar-the stick, my God too f**king funny-your friend that is on there must just be beside themselves-OMG -TOO TOO funny!!!
KRCVAL-yes we have had many funny threads in hear with Margo, MBH, Jade, Cheryl, and so many more God how I would laugh my ass off-it would be so fun to have that in here plus the serious stuff too that is good to try to even it out as you know I post that stuff too just gosh have some happy medium in here:).
Hi Starchatter-I've been coming in and out of Kid Rock site for a few years now started by my kid hacking my computer to become part of his fanclub and he was 10 at the time-I have to say I think I've had almost every kind of conversation in here good, bad, indifferent and downright crazy and that goes with meeting real people from here out side at concerts, etc... but I can say that I still come back for the real ones and have met some really fun and cool people at Kid Rocks concerts that I and my son have gone to and I can say I am sure Kid Rock loves to laugh at jokes, etc... as well.
I'll be back got to get some stuff done and I'll think of something to post that will make you guys laugh!
Ceder-TOO, TOO funny -the stick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
Dont wait for someone else to
Dont wait for someone else to start a funny thread!!!! You can do it. (in my waterboy voice) Get Angelique to tell you about her "Hair down there" accessories...lol
I agree, OTB..let's bring the
I agree, OTB..let's bring the fun back! I guess it's hard to know what may offend some ppl, but I always liked the indecent jokes/threads we used to have....(snicker)
@mrs. Cedar..so right my pal. When we all get together, fun finds us-we laugh our a$$es off all night.
Don't you dislike it
Don't you dislike it "outsidethebox" when you feel you have to say (NO I"M NOT STARTING DRAMA) when all your really doing is making a point. Got to love those who can't discuss a topic without drawing in hate, anger and jealousy. I don't think your a Drama starter any more than I am or the next person--your only stateing your opinion. Glad to be a FAN and Glad to chat with you :)
Thanks - Ditto, just feel the
Thanks - Ditto, just feel the same. This should be a FUN site for ALL. Seems so many of Kids fans what recognition of some sort. I'm happy just to have been graced by his awesome presence and talents. I love when he smiles and is happy and I believe we all just want him to be happy because of all the pleasure he has brought us. I'm run across some really sweet and nice fans, I've run across some fans who don't treat other fans with respect, some of the older fans take pride which is great in moderation- but some think they deserve some sort of credit for following the man for so long. Get over it-- in Gods' eyes we are all Equal and thus we need to behave as such. I will try to make an effort to post more- and be more positive in this site-----YOU???????
hmmmm......well..... If you
hmmmm......well..... If you go to my profile page, I have a pic posted of my friends face on a stick, shoved in a strange guys buttcrack, from the Cruise..... thats pretty funny.....:)
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