Live from the Artists Den: Kid Rock - "Rock N Roll Jesus"

I felt a bit like bikers Linda & James coming home from the store with bags off each handle bar, yogurt bag bungee corded to the back fender, & 1 bag clipped to my backpack. But I enjoyed my leisurely bike ride to 318 with my white skirt flipping a bit in the breeze & the cooler air & beautiful MT sky enlivening my spirit &, along with my thoughts of you, putting a smile on my face. I saw the pastor & his wife of the church I left (the pastor I helped hire). I said hello & he asked how I was…responding ‘great’ cause I really feel that way. While he was kind, I don’t trust him & was happy to stop to readjust my bike baggage, thinking I much prefer being in my own skin, than to be in his & have sold out. As I was telling Judy, God taught me to be happy in my crappy (or at least what some people may call a crappy situation). I’ve told many that this is the most financially challenged I have ever been in my life, (& then a big, huge smile comes over my face), but I tell them I am THE happiest I have ever been. I am happy in my crappy :) Super 1 AnnaLisa & I laughed as I paid for my goods. She told me if she didn’t know it was me…positivity Anna…she would likely ask security to see me out the door :) We’ve connected & she asked how my writing was going. I told her about my piano attempt with your song I’d written. She’s, 19ish, & has been writing songs for several years now. She writes & plays guitar, but doesn’t sing. She was making plans (do you hear Him giggling) to move to Nashville this summer, but like me is still a bit bewildered & disappointed to still be here in Stevensville. Another bright light Super 1 Barb, complimented me on my summer outfit I just invented out of my closet. It’s fun discovering new clothes & feeling good in summer gear. AnnaLisa chimed in with Luke Bryant’s line saying if I’m not a 10 I’m a 9.9. We both giggled at our musical connection. I decided to wait to call Chris until I’ve spoken with SRTW to ensure I have his back.

Judy called needing a lift. She just quit her legal assistant job & feels bad if she left them in a lurch. I commiserated but then told her how proud of her I was, for she did it to focus on her family, school, & her 20+ years in real estate (& the law firm is poorly managed so that’s their learning curve losing the caliber of person she is – which I told her, too). She is the only person I know to trust purchasing real estate; I see her heart & her work ethic. Her spirits lifted & I thanked her for calling me because I loved hearing her sweet, cheerful voice. UDW: “Cooperation: I join in a spirit of love & cooperation with all people. Nature teaches me the value of cooperation… What a wonderful lesson as I remember I live in partnership with all beings. I embrace our oneness & share in a spirit of cooperation & love. I remember that beyond our differences, lies the truth that we are one, sharing this space & time on our beautiful planet. I envision all people working together for the common good. Through our collective consciousness, we create a better world.” I called catering Paige & will get paid tomorrow. She apologized profusely for not calling me earlier because she over-booked staff for her Polson gig & I’m the newbie. I assured her I understood, am not offended nor out to take someone’s job, especially those that have been with her longer, so I’ll spend my time effectively other places. She needs help with clean up so I’m working with her at 5 Sunday night…you know me & dishes :) I prefer shining my light behind the scenes in supporting roles for I love to empower others, encourage their growth, learn also from them, & to let their lights shine. Strong women & mothers have taught, comforted, loved, supported, & guided me well. I hope your Thursday is going swimmingly, sweetheart! I hope you can tell you’ve been with me all day & I love spending my time with you! I love you, Robert James Ritchie! Smiles, hugs, & kisses :)

The limbo of unknown living arrangements is also something He has given me experience in, for a year before SRTW’s crime, we had about a month without a place to live. We pitched a tent near his parents’ Saltese home (last MT ‘town’ before Lookout Pass into ID). His mother was going blind from macular degeneration, but still writing, & his father was dying of cancer. Every 6 months for 5 years he had been told he only had 6 more months. What stress & pain they lived in throughout those 5 years. They had their hands full, but I am glad we were close by. I was studying for my 2nd try at the MT Bar Exam (the 1st time I arrogantly didn’t study at all). Steve had a good mixture going on that summer day so he couldn’t drive, Joan couldn’t see to drive, but Fred Jr. needed to go to Sacred Heart in Spokane. Against their pleas to keep studying, I said I would drive him, for I told them some things are more important. Steve spoke beautiful words of love, appreciation, & thankfulness to his dad on the drive; he spoke the words I didn’t get to say to my dad, but wanted to. I knew, though, as I was listening & driving through my tears that my dad heard & felt my heart. Steve’s eloquence healed a deep, deep heart scar. His dad died shortly thereafter, but his father’s kindness, intelligence, & humor lives on in him.

Hello & Sweet Thursday, RJR!!! My day’s been pretty good so far; I hope your day has been even better for you. :) (11:05 am) I slept well & in a bit; I’ve learned some of my best body healing comes from good rest. I’m smiling. I hope you are, too, for I love your smile…& how it makes me smile all the more. As I washed dishes & put away laundry, I reflected upon my talks with you yesterday & other God moments; I feel more self-love solidified. Amazing & mysterious how He works & what He brings into my life to mold me…the questions He has people ask me, not because I need them to hear my answers, but because He’s giving me my opportunity to consciously assess where my heart is in relation to Him, my neighbor, & myself. (1:25 pm) I made a bunch of phone calls regarding the car, Steve’s status & arranging with Yamaha to pick up his cycle Monday night, selling the elliptical to DG G, & updating & coordinating with Linda. I’m dipping my bagel in these fabulous individual serving sized hummus portions & eating grape tomatoes. I’m often amazed how my palate changed over the last year; Steve helped by modeling some good eating habits, but don’t get me wrong, the steak mechanic Dan & Christy were having the other night sounded REALLY good & I still go there, too. Everything in moderation, including moderation :) Even amongst my pain & tears I corrected Shane when he was speaking of you & your wealth, fame, all you have accomplished with your artistry; I immediately interrupted him when he said I wanted Kid Rock. I’m happy & proud of all you have achieved, your artistry…things I’ve already communicated with you, but I strongly told him it’s not about the money, fame, etc. I corrected him saying I want Robert James Ritchie, my friend, my soulmate, not to plug each other’s holes but to walk along with, to share together our journeys. I was crying; I told him I want my friend, my soulmate, my true love, children (what Shane’s had for over 23 years). I want to love & support you.

1 knife & 1 Moose Drool Brown Ale with Q & godfather, Sonya met Hank for the 1st time & they played. I went outside for a smoke while they were debating how Q was going to fix his grandfather’s 410 turkey shotgun (godfather gorilla glue fan; Q a pretty good carpenter [funny Big G! – I just got it :)] greatly respects it so will have it professionally repaired). Stood stretching & smoking bubble gum given Basic 100’s cig, listening to the night sounds of the hood, & thinking of you. Yamaha’s TV going with I believe the boys still awake; 42 years couple’s house dark & quiet, while their other side away from me neighbors’ young child shrilly wailed. Sonya investigating & protecting. I thanked her tonight for her hours of dedicated & effective protection. I came to 318 to be with me…& you. I stretch a lot (bouncy ball, front porch railing star-mountain gazing thinking of you & smiling). Almost had to immediately adjust myself, but I’m saving that for after my talk with you. Instead, sat down at Steve’s inherited-with-deep-family-history-1910-Steinway-upright-I-feel-blessed-to-learn-upon-want-to-find-it-a-safe-home piano & tried to match the notes in my head of your song I wrote to real ones with my limited knowledge. ‘F’enomenally challenging, but determination & giggles reminded me I am not in a corner but a place of great spaciousness. Often it’s been a see-saw of self-judgment, but I told the devil tonight to suck it, even after all this…He gets me…for I finally acknowledged & deeply felt a never-before-obtained-peaceful-feeling of self-love. Loving Him & my neighbors presents its occasional challenges, but loving my imperfect self was the real stickler for me.