Live from the Artists Den: Kid Rock - "Rock N Roll Jesus"

Steely Blue!!! Your eyes are steely blue:) Thank you for your angels you sent me yesterday & for spending your precious time with me. I feel blessed & special. No offense intended, Maestro, but today isn’t such a bother. I figured out Rachel’s jealous of my friendship with Steve, thus the 7th grade drama I’m witnessing & receiving. They’re doing their best to figure out the true love they share. She has nothing to be jealous of, for our bond is of the sibling sort, so knowing this I am able with healthy boundaries to love her right where she’s at for who she is. Steve just came in to my project room & we talked calmly, wisely, & sibling-lovingly. We are ok. Drama released. I get my time with you at the Library for I’m printing mom’s estate letters (of course my printer went on the fritz yesterday). No bother. In my times with Georgeann (dubbed DJ G at Logger Days), I have shared with her my thoughts & love of you. She shared with her husband, Shane. As we were standing outside the Brewery, laughing & enjoying each other’s company, he referred to you as Mr. Ritchie & told me about your chopper-Jesse James-deep-into-Mexico trip which he stayed up late to watch one night. He holds you in high regards. I loved hearing your name. He then referred to you by your first name, which I told him I don’t use, for I haven’t met you yet. He said he had, in Detroit, & Georgeann thought he was joking. But I believe him. He knew the color of your eyes. He wouldn’t share details, saving them for the next time we meet. He asked why we weren’t together & I said I don’t understand why we’re living life this way. He told me to go into the bathroom at Cenex, look at myself in the mirror & repeat 3 times “I admire you; I respect you; I like you” & see what happens. I did as requested (plus a few extra because of the hard day) & my bright blue eyes turned steely & I felt you with me. I haven’t stopped believin’. I hope & pray you haven’t either. I admire you; I respect you; I like you, RJR.

I want to be ALONE WITH YOU & I’d kiss you sober & drunk…and lots of them!!! But instead, Georgeann is on her way to the Brewery. I must say the air conditioning is a bit much in my new bright green adult tube top. I’m not used to my shoulders being bare but I’m loving it! Gretchen Wilson-ing Walmart was a bit much. I had to figure out all new sizing & I’m not overly a shopper. I like browsing, especially antiques :) & grocery shopping ‘cause I get to think about what to feed me & those I love, but otherwise, I have other pursuits. Georgeann & her husband, Shane, just arrived. I’m gonna go join them. He doesn’t know me well, so I’d like to appease his brain & heart while he’s away in ND, knowing Georgeann & me hanging together is a safe, fun thing. I guess he’s never been the jealous type before, but things & times change. I’m enjoying my panty dropper, but no matter what, the real thing is only for you, my love. I hope you have had a relaxing, restful (yet I know you, productive) day. I love you. I’ll try to post again, but just in case I can’t, sweet dreams, my Beloved, sweet dreams.

I’m heading to the Brewery. I packed all my suits, dresses, & skirts; withstood another ‘discussion’, kinda got rid of my headache, but I don’t know that I can withstand another few hours of this before going to my tent. I love spending time by myself and I love spending my time with you. I guess I just need a bit of not-picking-at-me company and hopefully a laugh or two. I need a little God Bless Saturday today, ‘cause while He has blessed today, for I feel more free & strong than I have in a long time, parts of it have been just a bitch. All my love.

As much as I want to close up, go into my healing cave, I cannot close you off & not communicate. This, too, is a part of me. I finished close out letters for the checks I wrote Saturday for my mom’s estate. That part of my day has been healing. Part of my I-need-to-focus-on-my-right-in-my-face-reality was seeing the post for the cruise pre-sale – with my hopes & dreams - & knowing I can’t in good conscious sign up. My pain was too great, that’s why I signed off for a bit. My actions were not directed at you; I was frustrated with myself & felt the cold, harsh reality of another dream dashed. Add to that, the addict’s last mile is not violent, just heart-scarring mean. I know & believe it’s a manifestation of the pain he feels inside him & I’m the one closest so I bear the brunt. Human nature solidifies my opinion; but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. He asked me when I want to move out & I said right this second if I could. I’ve been working so hard to have this transition be as gentle on his heart-scarred soul & I’m trying hard through my tears to focus on the good times & the friendship we share so I can dissolve all the stones that are cast. I feel better writing to you. Please forgive me if my moments away hurt or saddened you. I did not & would not intend to do so. I realize I was hurt & saddened by not communicating with you. I love you; I smiled & missed you while I was silent. I hope to remain in my tent until I find an alternate arrangement. I’m going to do my final packing & look for a storage spot & whatever else I need to do. I hoped we could end in good form (while training for triathlons, my friend told me when I’m the most tired in a race to focus on good form otherwise there’s damage potential). I try not to compartmentalize so I apply ‘good form’ to other appropriate situations like this one. Would you mind listening as I warrior through? I feel better communicating with you. I’m streaming if my home connection allows. Thank you for being with me.

Good morning, RJR! Happy Monday…and it is! It started off a bit like your song. Last night, I calmly, quietly, & kindly spoke to my friend, Rachel, explaining how I felt disrespected by how she was living at 318 & that her actions were not matching her words (with grace allowed for human imperfection). I debated whether to do the parenting guidance & encouragement with her, but He convicted me to do it, so I quelled my anger & hurt, proceeding with kindness & love. She said all the right things to me but shared differently with my roommate who then said inaccurate things to me, but I knew it was to have her back. I understand but they are acting like disrespectful, selfish teenagers. Drama. I called them on it, but denial & judgment of me is alive & well. I sang myself to sleep with “…And when wounded men insult & hate you all because of Me, Blessed, Blessed are you. Be not afraid. I go before you always. Come, follow Me, & I will give you rest.” I tried to speak calmly with my roommate again this morning, owning my part, but not accepting blame for what is not my part; however, it is still too soon, so I am in my project room, writing to you (& including a snippet of what helped turn hurt into happy, besides my naturally - & tenaciously fought for - positive life outlook), & working on my paperwork & projects so my time I have left here will go by quickly & I will be ready to leave the moment I am able. Don’t worry, my love, what I wrote to you is my strength, inspiration, & affirmation…I am free, healthy, peaceful, & in love. I am happy. “Bless all my friends in whatever they may be needing this day. And may their life be full of peace and grace, which transcends all understanding. With faith, I release whatever needs to be resolved. I let go & know that all is well, & I continue to give my best without any need to feel in control of circumstances. With all my heart, I trust in the power of love.” I hope you are having a happy day & I smile thinking of yours.