Now get in the pit and try to love someone.
My Friend Dates only Biotches & wonders why he get wronged?
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My Friend Dates only Biotches & wonders why he get wronged?Bobbie Jean says (18 Jun '12)
I have a friend who dates only biotshes, not just biotches but the worst of them... then actually wonders why when he is ready to commit to them, that he gets treated poorly. I mean, he is a grown ass man and still repeats this. What is the definition of insanity? it is doing the same thing over and over & expecting different results isn't it? He's a sweet guy. It's sad. And if it was like highschool, even twentish age I could maybe see, but man. I'm dealing with serious life issues and he just lives by these games and then wonders what's up and wants the bleeding heart from our friends. He does know, he has been told. On top of that he always makes sure to get girls by his job titles, like he always makes sure that they know he's a Dr., know everything he owns, know he comes from a wealthy family. All I can think is when woman keep dating the same negative dating behavior, it is somehow related to their negative father/ daughter relationship somehow. Not always, but often. I guess guys are like this too. Only I always thought he had a great relationship w/ her, she knows how to be happy. I mean long, wonderful marriage. Waited about 10 years and at, I think, 92, she married again. Honestly, I know this sounds mean, but I'm just leaving him on his own. I already started too once and felt bad. I'm not feeling bad anymore. Bottom line, he is an adult. Maybe when nobody is there next time, he'll do better with all this when he gets back up or something. Bottom line, it's his choice & I guess he should deal w/ the consequences. He just comes to me w/ this, well you wouldn't be with me, now look??? I ain't looking any more. It's not appreciated, it's not listened too... he just lost access. :(
39Filed Under: Extreme Kid Rock
I have a friend who dates only biotshes, not just biotches but the worst of them... then actually wonders why when he is ready to commit to them, that he gets treated poorly. I mean, he is a grown ass man and still repeats this. What is the definition of insanity? it is doing the same thing over and over & expecting different results isn't it? He's a sweet guy. It's sad. And if it was like highschool, even twentish age I could maybe see, but man. I'm dealing with serious life issues and he just lives by these games and then wonders what's up and wants the bleeding heart from our friends. He does know, he has been told. On top of that he always makes sure to get girls by his job titles, like he always makes sure that they know he's a Dr., know everything he owns, know he comes from a wealthy family. All I can think is when woman keep dating the same negative dating behavior, it is somehow related to their negative father/ daughter relationship somehow. Not always, but often. I guess guys are like this too. Only I always thought he had a great relationship w/ her, she knows how to be happy. I mean long, wonderful marriage. Waited about 10 years and at, I think, 92, she married again. Honestly, I know this sounds mean, but I'm just leaving him on his own. I already started too once and felt bad. I'm not feeling bad anymore. Bottom line, he is an adult. Maybe when nobody is there next time, he'll do better with all this when he gets back up or something. Bottom line, it's his choice & I guess he should deal w/ the consequences. He just comes to me w/ this, well you wouldn't be with me, now look??? I ain't looking any more. It's not appreciated, it's not listened too... he just lost access. :(
Forum category:
It depends I guess. I had a
It depends I guess. I had a incident with a genuine nutbag stalker during the mid to late seventies. He was related through marriage to mob boss Patriarca Sr. Scared the bejesus out of me, and the State and local police convinced my parents that the best thing to do was just throw the towel in and move out of the area, which I did. Still people wondering what the hell happened to me because I just poofed one day. Tough to start over and change your entire life due to one mentally ill clown, but the mob is the mob. Any type of that behavior really bugs me now. It's about power and control.
His cousins, him if I was
His cousins, him if I was having a party after we broke up. Never in an anger way, kinda in a just checking way, it was cute the way he did that, I thought. No danger, just curious.
What did it make you think?
Hey Blue - I kinda skimmed
Hey Blue - I kinda skimmed through. All the don'ts - heck I would say don't even be in a friendship much less relationship like that. ( even with Jimmy I never had to snoop. The truth always comes out if theres anything that needs to. I always had a gut, use to drive him nuts. I wouldn't go into a long explanation. I watched my parents hurt each other and I didn't want that. Didn't want to repeat their mistake, I tried at least to learn from it. I just thought if it's good it is, if it's not let go. I would just say, I think we need some time apart and I just want you to be sure you want us. I call the gut from God, but to Jim, I would call it a little birdy. And just like God always confirms, people would just come up and tell me. Once Jim said when I wouldn't go back out w/ him and why, I thought he needed to have more fun, he said I wanna know who that little birdy is... I laughed he got so mad and said I wanna know who the f little birdy is ( first time he would even curse around me ) after I picked my eyes up and placed them back in my head. I scolded him and said you do not want to say that in the same sentence... espec if you knew who my little birdy is. He said who... I said God just puts it in my gut, heart and I just know & he just brings things my way for me to be aware from others. Then somebody always comes along and says yeah bla, bla and once this person didn't even know we were dating. He said did ya ever think they were jealous, espec guys. He said ok, but man... I told my aunt she knows everything, I think she can read minds. I said if I could do that, Id be buying the winning lottery number don't ya think. That was one of our last conversations, actually it was. We were gonna give another chance. The only time I would redate so to speak,, then he got electricuted helping those peeps. Onto the other list is what folks should do to all their friends much less the special one. Except Jim use to spy on me & I thought it cute...:
Sorry Bobbie, you have to
Sorry Bobbie, you have to start at the beginning and work your way to the top on this one. Jeez, not much fits in one comment box, lol.
Best of luck to you on that second go 'round!
27. Remember to look at each
27. Remember to look at each other across the room.
There's nothing more reassuring (or sexier) than glancing up from the interminable conversation with your eighth cousin or the head of operations or the report you can't seem to finish and locking eyes with Your Person and remembering that by some quantity of luck neither of you may deserve, you found each other.
28. Observe.
You notice when the other person is about to lose it, needs to leave even if you've been there only 20 minutes, is talking to someone he or she can't stand, did something he or she feels guilty about, is silently berating himself or herself, is ruminating over the thing his or her boss said, is about to spend an insane amount of money, and best of all, about to crack up in a situation where he or she shouldn't. You pay attention because you care, and because that's the good stuff.
29. Make time.
You realize that if this is it, one of you is going to be around some distant day in the future to lose the other. In that moment, you will not regret not checking your email in this one.
30. Occasionally get over yourself and your cynicism and fear of cliche and do something deeply, unapologetically romantic.
You send the flowers, have the book signed by the author, request the song, write the note, have the damned thing (tastefully) engraved. You call the other person and tell him or her that specific thing he or she did this morning that made you fall that much more in love. When you're not expecting it, he or she dares to say, even though we all know there are no guarantees ever, "When we're X age, want to Y?"
31. Just know.
24. Have object permanence.
24. Have object permanence.
Child psychologist Jean Piaget theorized that when babies get to be 8 or 9 months old, they begin to develop "object permanence," the idea that an object doesn't vanish when they can no longer see it.
In a good adult relationship, you know that you can go out into the world and do your thing, and the bond you've formed with the person you care about will be there when you get back.
This is also known as trust.
25. Take care of your body.
You know that you won't enjoy sharing it with someone else if you don't like, respect, and nurture it. Your partner feels the same way.
26. Divide and conquer.
You're not identical, thank god, which probably means you have certain strengths and he or she has others. Someone is more organized, someone is more outgoing, someone is a born listener. Someone is better with money, someone is more creative. Someone is more adventurous in bed.
If you each play to your strengths, you in all likelihood remember a gift (possibly an inspired one), your home(s) look(s) great, the bills get paid on time, sex is endlessly fun, and you leave everyone at the party thoroughly charmed.
20. Talk about sex.
20. Talk about sex.
Most couples don't instinctively know all of the ways to please each other. You have to talk about -- or at least show -- what you want. If you don't know what you want, you need to figure that out, STAT (step 1? Get thee to Babeland). And after you have talked about it, you do it. Better.
21. Talk about the rest.
The same things you're not supposed to talk about on a blind date -- religion, money, politics, kids -- are things you should discuss with someone you're serious about. What? You just remembered that thing you need to do? Get back here. No one said this was going to be painless. They said it was going to be hard and awesome.
22. Fight.
If you agree on everything, someone's not telling the truth. See #2 and #8.
23. Have times when you don't talk.
Not because you're angry with each other but because you can be quiet together. When you find yourself with silences you don't need to fill, when you find you can just walk along or lie about or work side by side and feel together without needing to verbally affirm that, you've got a good thing going.
You do...
You do...
16. Put it all on the line.
If you're not risking having your heart broken, you're not doing it right.
17. Respect the people he or she is closest to.
You don't have to love them, but you should think they are honest and moral and have integrity. Want to know you're with a good person? Look to the people he or she thinks are good people.
18. Inspire each other to be better.
A good relationship is galvanizing, not in the oh-my-god-I-met-this-amazing-person-I'd-better-hurry-up-and-fix-myself sense (thought there's probably a little of that when you first start seeing anyone amazing) but in the way that knowing someone else believes in you makes you believe in yourself that much more. You want to prove yourself worthy of his or her confidence.
19. Humble yourselves.
You know you can't hide your flaws for long, so you don't try. You recognize that this person is going to have to take you as you are, as foolish or charitable (or both) as that may seem to make him or her. You know you're both going to mess up endless times and have to apologize and be forgiven and forgive. You'll wonder if one of the bigger mistakes is the one that will end it, and you'll have to prove to one another that the relationship transcends that. You recognize that you signed up for all of this.
12. Begrudge each other time
12. Begrudge each other time with your respective friends.
You can't be everything to your significant other, and why would you want to be? Sounds exhausting. Friends enrich your life, will accompany you to do things that your significant other may not enjoy, and keep you from getting tired of the person you're seeing.
Besides, if the relationship doesn't work out, those friends going to be the ones coming over to your house, dragging you out of bed and helping you rejoin humanity. Be good to them.
13. Lose Yourself
This is easier said than done, especially when the relationship is going really well. As tempting as it is to never leave the house (maybe never leave the bed), you keep doing the work, exercise, volunteering, socializing, networking, and daughtering you were doing before. Remember, these things made you the person Your Person fell in love with. They're part of you. Don't give them up for anyone. You can't afford it.
14. Have a secret plan B.
If you're where you need to be, the following thoughts don't cross your mind: "Maybe he'll dump me," or "If my ex moves back from Mongolia, everything could change."
15. Have much drama.
You know the cliche: The person worth your tears won't make you cry. Usually.
7. Let any substance or
7. Let any substance or behavior come before the relationship.
Any addict or over-user of a substance or behavior is cheating on you with his or her drug of choice. You deserve more.
8. Stew.
When something the other person does annoys you or turns you off, you don't push it to the back of your mind and hope it will go away, because it won't. You bring it up in the moment or sometime in the next 24 hours.
9. Damage property, animals, children or each other during an argument.
You think this goes without saying until you read something like this New York Times "Modern Love" and realize that human beings can rationalize staying with someone who leaves holes in their walls.
On the other hand, if you damage a vase or two in the heat of a different kind of passion, totally fine.
10. Challenge each other on personal issues in front of other people.
You know which conversations you shouldn't be having at brunch with friends.
11. Depend on each other for things no one can or should supply.
If you're looking to your significant other to resolve your emotional issues, make you more responsible/successful/adult, support you financially, improve your social standing, expand your group of friends, provide you with the family you never had, or make your parents finally accept you, it's possible you shouldn't be in a relationship at all, or at least not yet.
4. Hide the relationship from
4. Hide the relationship from other people in your life.
If you're unwilling to introduce the person you're dating at appropriate junctures to the most important people in your life, that's usually a bright, flapping red flag.
In general, if you have a good thing going, you can't wait for him or her to meet your friends, siblings, parents, the guy at the deli, and you wouldn't have any qualms about presenting this person to professional acquaintances, people you knew in college, family friends, even your ex.
5. Think you're superior.
If you feel that your significant other is your inferior in any way you know matters to you in a mate -- morally, intellectually, socially, financially or professionally -- you're never going to respect him or her as much as you hope to be respected.
The best relationships make you feel that you've convinced a person more exceptional than you to love you.
6. Resent the other person's success.
Professional jealousy can be as poisonous to a relationship as constantly thinking he or she is flirting with your best friend. It also suggests that you're spending a lot of time comparing yourself to a person you supposedly adore, rather than sitting back and marveling at how amazing he or she is. In a good relationship, you quit (or refuse to ever engage in) the one-upmanship.
31 Ways To Know You're In The
31 Ways To Know You're In The Right Relationship
Posted: 06/19/2012 11:14 am Updated: 06/20/2012 2:39 pm
As anyone living in the age of depressing divorce rates knows, a happy long-term couple is almost like a unicorn: If by some miracle you encounter it, you can't stop staring, and you have a feeling no one will ever believe you when you tell them you saw it.
The Internet is filled with articles on how to decide when to end it, how to recognize when your relationship is toxic, codependent, one-sided, stagnant, asexual, manipulative. But we don't talk all that often about what defines a happy relationship. Picture it: You're dating someone new. You're waiting to feel the toxic stagnant codependency. Where is it? Months go by. Still nothing. At some point a corner of your brain dares register the thought: Could this be one of those? Could I actually be happy?
To help you answer that question, you lucky thing, here's a completely unscientific list of 31 ways to know you're in the right relationship:
You don't...
1. Fear it.
If you're afraid of commitment, best to work that out before you put yourself in a situation where it's hoped you'll eventually commit.
2. Hide anything more significant than a surprise party from each other.
That includes exes, cheating, debt, STDs, chronic illness, felonies, whether you want a marriage and/or children, genetic abnormalities (if you both want kids), a strong desire to live somewhere else, professional failures and successes, doubts about your sexual orientation, a strong preference for un-vanilla sex.
The truth will come out, and if you're with someone you feel the need to conceal any of this from, he or she probably isn't right.
3. Snoop.
If no one's hiding anything, why are you looking? Going through your significant other's email, phone, Facebook account, or journal strongly indicates that you don't trust the person you're with. You're also violating his or her trust in you.
Congrats!!! Will recheck the
Congrats!!! Will recheck the link, it's a really good article....made me think.
Hey Blue - I couldn't see the
Hey Blue - I couldn't see the article just a pic of Obama, but I wanted to say hey and to your and Shirlee that I got a second interview, I will keep you guys posted and let you both know how it goes :)))
Have a great night! :)))
Bobbie Jean, this came up
Bobbie Jean, this came up today: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/19/31-ways-to-know-youre-in-the-right-relationship-advice_n_1608813. It's a good thinking article, I enjoyed it.
Wish you the best of luck!
Wish you the best of luck!
Thank you Blue, I will call
Thank you Blue, I will call you and Shirlee to let you guys know how tomorrow goes. :)))
If you want Aetna, give me a
If you want Aetna, give me a call. Still connected to the umbilical cord, lol.
Blue - that's what I am doing
Blue, that is my focus. It's a long shot, but makes sense for all of the reasons that you mentioned below as well as when we spoke. So, wish me luck :)))
Bobbie, if insurance isn't
Bobbie, if insurance isn't your bag...then definitely try others....just pushing them because it's corporate, you work with good people, they train you, you can get advanced training, the benefits packages are good, etc. Gives you a place to take a breath and recover with steady pay. The whole time you are there, you can be planning and saving for your next career.
view, or "talk" on wed, then
view, or "talk" on wed, then maybe the interview :) I think I will try for that. The surprising thing is that they said straight way - Just keep in mind your nights and weekends will be yours with us! :)))
Please keep me in your prayers, I have been through worse times in life for others, for me never like this. The hardest part for me is the spiritual part. The rest I would just keep going, but when you tried and thought you were doing what God had you, the hurt spiritual is always my biggest hurt. God has always come through, just the water ain't never been this deep. Not breathe by breathe anyway. I've been in the water without a boat for so long, I hope I don't grow fins. :) Later guys and have a beautiful day! The sun is out, I have to go pick up my Sister - I love you guys! I will never, ever forget your being there for me. God Bless you guys in Jesus's name! Amen!!!
Blue & Shirlee ( who since I
Blue & Shirlee ( who since I cried my eyes out to over the phone said I would call back when things got better, thx for being there Shirlee :). Once would have been alright, but man two calls and yet you were there thanx for that, I will never ever forget your being there for me while I literally wept.) This has been a long 14 months at least prior I had a break so that is a good thing. Blue thank you for being there too and offering to be helpful w/ advice in the industry, etc.
I had a call on from an insurance company who wants to talk to me. That is a good thing, but that doesn't mean anything until I hear - You are hired. I mean keep in mind 7K plus app.
Dave - I was wrong when I said he is sweet, I meant pleasant. He is selfish, that is why I didn't give a chance other than conversation. He only gives to get, literally. He lies about the time of day. If you don't agree with him, then he thinks you are the one with the problem and just trying to give him a problem. I wasn't gonna go there, but that is related to the next job offer. So, there you have it. You, well I know I can't live in lies. So... anyway, his bus mng he says, stole from him, so he fired her. The one before stole even more. Hed pay what I was making. Or... he wanted to open that weight loss center here. Said he did 5 and they are successful, then it chg to he and somebody else, so I don't know for sure, cause I have to be mindful of the source... but anyway. I turned Dave's down which was the real reason for his call.... STINKA... getting me to feel all sorry for him so I would just agree and say yes. I think that settles the friend thing too, but in a calm way. I just said no, I needed to stick with what I was working on. Then he tex me for a pic, what a bigger STINKA... idk, I think that work pig might come into play, but it maybe too drastic. Pleasant STINKA will do. I wish him well and if every single, solitary word was in writing, I may have to but for now. interv
btw it seems there are lots
btw it seems there are lots of reasons aside from those we discussed for this type of action above mentioned. Who'd a thunk?
I hear ya Blue! :) I hear ya
I hear ya Blue! :) I hear ya, when I was with Met, I even had life insurance for them in case I passed for my extended Family members & God children. I figured it was so cheap then, that since I didn't have a lot to leave, that would be something. Cancelled it, no choice, but it's ok, I'll get it back :)
Some of the customer service
Some of the customer service stuff was located overseas by the insurance companies, but there are still good jobs left over here with good pay and benefits. Definitely wouldn't overlook them. In-house jobs are usually training positions, which means if they hire, they put you in a 3 month training class and with a senior person for the first year.
Excellent place to learn about a critical need. LOL. You will find yourself upping your life insurance.
Great rhymes, Shirley!
Dave was trying to make me
Dave was trying to make me feel sorry for him... ends up that is what is was all about. That simple, imagine. Shirlee I hear ya too and sometimes it is down to that too, the heart wants what it does sometimes. I do understand that perspective too. Blue is right too, I just had somebody else share her thoughts w/ me and I just hope everyone ends up happy. That's the most energy I've got right now :)))
Hey Shirlee -
Hey Shirlee -
I was just replying to a resume question on my email and saw yours come in. I hear ya, I do.
it dont and it sucks
it dont and it sucks
(Chorus)
(Chorus)
Cause love don't let you decide, you can't feel what isn't inside
When I told you forever, I didn't know that I lied.
Love don't let you decide
This is gonna hurt
This is gonna hurt
This is gonna sting a little bit
Them sticks and stones, No they ain't got nothin on this here
See it wouldn't be right to keep leading you on, so I'm setting you free
I'm letting you go I just want you to know, that it ain't up to me
(Chorus)
Cause love don't let you decide, you can't feel what isn't inside
When I told you forever, I didn't know that I lied.
Love don't let you decide
Honey i ain't cold, Baby i'm just trying to keep it real
And truth be told, surely you've been feeling what I feel
It's too easy to see it's too hard to deny that this fire is gone
No there ain't nothin left, so quit blaming yourself
Cause you ain't done nothin wrong (Chorus)
Bridge
Now I'm holding you tight, and it's breaking my heart just letting you cry
We've gotta let go, there's nothing to hold, no matter how hard we try.
(Chorus)
JB and Moonshine Band ...........HOTTTTT!!!!
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