My Teen's Probation Revoked/ Military options? Your thoughts or advice

Hey Michaelanne. I have had lots of experience with a rebellious teen boy. My son is now 29 and has turned his life around. It was not easy. Since the age of 13 it was drinking, drugs, guns, gangs, abuse and in general, a pain. He became a dad just after his 16th birthday. He was hooked on meth by about 21 give or take for about 5 yrs. I lost my house, savings, everything, and had to file bankruptcy. We were in and out of the courts, jails and the police and judges knew me by my first name. Although we did get his minor records sealed so he could go into the military and received is GED, he decided partying was a better choice (yea, right). I spent more nights than I can remember driving in the MN winter nights looking for him. Hitting the dealers houses and known hangouts. Someone gave me a hard time, I stood toe to toe trying not to show any fear. If I found him, I would drag him home. Jail didn't work, rehab didn't work, threats didn't work, AA and NA didn't work. Nothing worked until he was ready to make the change. He hit absolute rock bottom more than once. He almost died on more than one occasion from overdoses or car accidents. I incorp. tough love. Although my love for my son was unconditional, I didn't like him very well at that time. I finally realized that I could not change him so I backed off, let him know I was always here for him, and left the door open. God that was the hardest thing I ever experienced as a single mother. When he was ready, I would be there. He made many more mistakes but instead of jumping in and trying to fix everything, he began to learn that he had to take responsibility for his actions. Mom was not going to save him any more. It was so tough. Most nights I didn't sleep. This went on for many years. Then a young recovering meth addict gave me some advice. Leave him alone. Don't do anything. Don't save him. Don't give him money. Leave the door open for dialoge and never point fingers. Eventually, he di

I had a boyfriend once, always got into trouble, well it was jail or the army, and the army whipped him into shape. But it also depends on the person.

You're darned if you do and darned if you don't. My son was contiunally making the wrong life choices. I'd help him to a point then let the consequences set in if he didn't follow thru (of course I monitored to make sure he was keeping his head on somewhat straight) This went on for the past 15 years. He hit rock bottom two or three times. He finally made it this past year. He finally caught on and was doing great but he caught pneumonia and didn't make it thru. I guess what I'm trying to say is, do what feels right in your heart. Help him want to help himself. I know it's difficult but keep trying, I wish I had gotten thru to my son earlier. I really miss him.

Well I'm not as insightful as some. But just wanted to say hang in there girl. My oldest is only 14. lol I know I'm just starting to deal with issues. Teenager's AGH!!!! Anyways,We all love our children good or bad. So keep your chin up girl. It will all work out in the end. All things work themselves out with faith. Best wishes to you & yours. Good Luck

It scares the shit out of me that mine is going in the same direction.... He has wanted to be a Marine since he was 8. He is now 16, and is already short credits to graduate. He has had the worst attitude lately and says that he does not care about anything. He hates school and I suspect that as soon as he is old enough to move out he will probably drop out. Getting him to just go to school is a huge chore. He is taking all his dreams that he has had for years and pissing it away. He says that he still wants to be a Marine more than anything, but he won't do what he needs to to make it happen. Even if he straightens up now, I have to shell out $250 per class for summer school next year to make sure he graduates on time. Either that, or its a another year. I can't see him doing it.

You wanna just say Fuck it.... let em handle the shit themselves and learn from it, but it is so hard for a mom to do that knowing it will probably effect the rest of his life.
I feel for ya girl.

With most kids with your son's 'personality' will have to 'hit rock bottom' sort of like an addict does to snap him out of it. Some trouble will eventually come his way that will scare the shit out of him enough to realize he better shape up and take control of his life. The sad thing is sometimes takes a prison sentence.

Hi Michaelanne, like Gina said, Hang in there. I grew up in the 80's too and yes, when push came to shove, you did what you had to do. Kids are raised different now days. For whatever reason they feel a sense of entitlement that we never did?? Your son may shove alittle more?? They just don't realize the shit they do can have severe consequences that can effect their future. I'm sure you've had it with sticking your neck out, but not helping your kid is hard too. I would take Gina's advise. Keep calling the recruiters. Jay made the choice to sign on for a GED, push him to follow through with it. He can get into the military with a GED. I agree, jail is not a solution for your son. Push him to get that GED and get his ass in the service. I have a 16yr old son who thinks school is a joke. My ex-hus was a Marine for 6yrs. I would have no problem with my son going that route. I think most young men would benefit from the things the Service has to offer. Structure,discipline, respect..I know my son would benefit from learning that. It's not that my ex and I don't practice or try to instill those things in our kids, we do. But learning that shit outside of the home, at an age when they think they know it all, has a different impact. Just hang in there. Kids are a trip, we love em so much but they can be a real pain in the ass. If they would only realize, we just want the best for the little shits?? Stay strong.. And no, we were'nt spoiled like the kids are today. Times are different now. All we can do is try to do the best we can to do the right thing? Unfortunately, there's no easy answer...Take Care.